The real secret of passionate sex has little to do with technique!  The real secret of passionate sex is to be able to with your partner openly about sex.  If the thrill is gone from your bedroom, it’s one of the first things any sex therapist would tell you to do. 

Why?  Because talking about sex helps you understand what arouses you and turns you off.  Neither one of you can read the other’s mind, right?  So it stands to reason that if you want good sex, you’re going to have to talk about it at some point.

If it’s strange to talk aloud about sex, you can begin the conversation by giving each other permission to talk about it, just as you would any other part of your adult life.  Whether you think sex is a great form of entertainment, a sacred act of love, or an obligation to your marriage or your partner, you have thoughts and opinions about sex.  You also have values, beliefs, and experiences.  And most all of that deserves to be shared.

Here are some questions that can get you and your partner talking more about sex:

·      What sorts of love or sex scenes in movies or books really turn you on?

·      What is the funniest thing you ever learned about sex?

·      What do you want from sex that you haven’t asked for?

·      Do you remember how old you were when you started to feel sexual urges?  What was that like for you?

·      What did you learn about sex at home?  From religion?  From school?

·      What part of sex is the most wonderful for you?

·      What embarrasses you most about sex?

·      Why do you like it when I make love to you?

·      If we could make love anywhere in the world, where would that be? 

·      How do you like to get in the mood?

·      What is your favorite time of day to make love?

·      How do you feel when I don’t want to make love with you?

·      What is the sexiest thing you’ve ever seen?

What if you want to talk, but your partner doesn’t?  Then start with by asking your partner why this is difficult.  Or invite them to talk about one question at a time, with permission to “pass” if they wish.

When you talk about sex, you’ll understand your partner better, and your partner will trust you more.  All of that leads to more closeness, which in turn leads to more passionate sex.  The way to better sex and orgasm really is between your lips, and your ears.